Title: Also, I Can Kill You With My Brain
Characters: Mage!Hawk, most of the gang
"There you go, trying to boss me around again! I'm not doing it!" The younger Hawk crossed his arms, scowling at his sister with a mutinous look on his face.
"Carver, stop being childish! If you have a better idea, tell me. If you don't then please, for the love of the Maker, shut up and put... it... on!"
"But... It's... Purple!" Carver sniped back. "Why can't you wear this one? I'll wear the green one!"
"Don't be silly Carver, the green one will never fit you. We are doing this for mother, and by the Void, you will do this and pretend to be happy about it! Besides, Varric is wearing his and he looks dashing!"
"Actually Hawk, I'm really not sure about the padding around the stomach... It... It hides all my chest hair!" The dwarf picked at front of the red and white jacket, trying to pull the neckline lower.
Fenris emerged from Hawks rooms looking confused. He strode up to her waving a black and white ball of fluff and velvet in her face.
"Hawk, I can understand that it is cold, so I can understand the fur around the edges... but do the pants have to be this tight?" He let the bundle in his hand drop so it hung by it's fluffy white pompom. "I will not however where this."
"I think the pants show off your ass-ets nicely!" Isabela drawled, leering at his velvet clad backside. She was lounging in the stairwell, looking perfectly at home in a diaphanous version of Andraste's robes.
"That's not very nice Fenris, Hawk ordered that outfit especially for you!" Merril bounded over, swiped the hat and placed it gleefully on the scowling elf's head before skipping off to hang up pieces of Harlot's Blush at the top of the doorways around the main hall. She swished the fur hem of her extremely short velvet skirt as she worked, humming to herself under her breath.
Aveline and Donnic walked in dressed in matching antique soldiers uniforms. Aveline's usually stony countenance slipped as she broke into a fit of giggles, her eyes shining as she looked around the room at the festively dressed group.
"Oh that's great!" Carver muttered. "They get to wear armor, why can't I?"
A subdued chorus of 'it's not fair', 'I don't want to', and 'you can't make me' ensued.
"Enough!!" Roared Hawk, stamping her foot. "I'm going to signal Anders that he can bring mother back. If you lot aren't ready to revel, carouse and have fun when I get back, so help me..."
"You'll what?" Asked carver with a sneer, gathering up his costume despite his defiant tone.
"Well, if the repercussions of annoying me, pissing off Gamlen and ruining mothers night isn't enough of an incentive, then remember this. I pay your wages, I'm friends with the managers of the Rose, and I can KILL YOU ALL WITH MY BRAIN!" Hawk turned on her glittery green heel, and flounced out the door, slamming it behind her.
As the room cleared Varric sidled over to Fenris looking perturbed.
"Broody, did a four foot three fairy in green and red lace and sparkly high heels just threaten to kill us with her brain?"
"Yes." Replied Fenris trying not to laugh.
Isabella sauntered over to offer the men her flask of whiskey.
"Well boys," she said, with mischief in her eyes "she certainly made sure we were combustible enough, perhaps we shouldn't test how serious she was."
The men looked at each other for a moment, and ran for their places, just as the door opened.
Carver reached into the sack of gifts that Varric was carrying and handed one to Leandra, who sported a huge smile and teary eyes.
He grinned down at Leandra, hugging her with one arm and flicking the ball of purple fur from his hat out of his face with the other. "Happy feast day mother!"
Upstairs Anders and Hawk put the finishing touches on his outfit and paused at the top of the stairs to survey the festive scene below.
"You put on quite a show love, how did you get this done so fast?" He asked putting an arm around her shoulder.
"Oh, you know, promises, favors, my silver tongue..." Hawk shrugged with a look full of guile.
"Ahhh love I know that look, what did you really do?" he drawled pulling her into his arms beneath a sprig of Harlot's Blush.
Hawk chuckled against his lips, eyes shining with mirth.
"I threatened to show them why Mages are feared..."